This was written on February 1st while being stuck at a London Airport all alone without any money, food or a warm place to sleep. I am copying here exactly what I wrote in my boarding pass:
Have you ever wasted ink just for the sake of wasting it while thinking if you don't use the ink right your filthy master will fucking strap you to a wall and will belt you & slash you until every single part of your body is blue & purple & sored & aching & bleeding & bruised & in pain & red & marked & branded & scarred & tortured?
A little bit later:
THE SECOND TATTOO WILL BE IN FACT MY OWN INMATE NUMBER WHICH IS W17S. THE THIRD WI... don't feel like writing this bullshit anymore (I wonder why the shit of an innocent bull is blamed & therefore used to describe something very shitty indeed).
I am all alone and I am not fucking selfish enough to ask anybody for help! This was my decision & now I have to suck it up & deal with it. Will I ever be able to express my feelings once & for all? I don't think I could and also I'm scared that if I ever do the whole world would fucking explode due to my screaming and all the pain contain in it! TIME IS NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH. I still have a whole day left (another day left) at the airport and I don't have absolutely anything to cut myself with. I'm bored and I need some physical pain to feel distracted & relieved... Thinking of ways of getting sharp things but this is a fucking aiport. I (nobody) have no needles, cutters, knifes, razorblades or anything usable. No, going to eat to a restaurant and getting the knife to inflict some beautiful cuts doesn't seem like a good idea in a security guards- packed airport. FUCK! Not that I have the money to eat anything anyway. Oh, lookie, lookie, how interesting: Blonde in front of me showing her arms. I see some scars. One looks like self-inflicted but it could have been her cat (this is what people tend to think when I have a couple of scratches, like it is fucking tabboo to even think of somebody doing this to themselves. But why? Do I feel fucking shy to ask anybody if they smoke or drink?!) Oh, society... I really like to contemplate my scars. I have tweezers (???) Would tweezers work? I'm sure blonde chick used to cut herself...
Have you ever wasted ink just for the sake of wasting it while thinking if you don't use the ink right your filthy master will fucking strap you to a wall and will belt you & slash you until every single part of your body is blue & purple & sored & aching & bleeding & bruised & in pain & red & marked & branded & scarred & tortured?
A little bit later:
THE SECOND TATTOO WILL BE IN FACT MY OWN INMATE NUMBER WHICH IS W17S. THE THIRD WI... don't feel like writing this bullshit anymore (I wonder why the shit of an innocent bull is blamed & therefore used to describe something very shitty indeed).
I am all alone and I am not fucking selfish enough to ask anybody for help! This was my decision & now I have to suck it up & deal with it. Will I ever be able to express my feelings once & for all? I don't think I could and also I'm scared that if I ever do the whole world would fucking explode due to my screaming and all the pain contain in it! TIME IS NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH. I still have a whole day left (another day left) at the airport and I don't have absolutely anything to cut myself with. I'm bored and I need some physical pain to feel distracted & relieved... Thinking of ways of getting sharp things but this is a fucking aiport. I (nobody) have no needles, cutters, knifes, razorblades or anything usable. No, going to eat to a restaurant and getting the knife to inflict some beautiful cuts doesn't seem like a good idea in a security guards- packed airport. FUCK! Not that I have the money to eat anything anyway. Oh, lookie, lookie, how interesting: Blonde in front of me showing her arms. I see some scars. One looks like self-inflicted but it could have been her cat (this is what people tend to think when I have a couple of scratches, like it is fucking tabboo to even think of somebody doing this to themselves. But why? Do I feel fucking shy to ask anybody if they smoke or drink?!) Oh, society... I really like to contemplate my scars. I have tweezers (???) Would tweezers work? I'm sure blonde chick used to cut herself...
No! Tweezers will not work. What you probably need is the right tool used by someone who really understands you!
ResponderEliminarXenkor
Think Emilie Autumn.
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